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Heather Steeves

Heather Steeves tries to do things that are fun -- and only things that are fun. So far that's included stilt walking, roller derby and cross-country road trips in her Saturn.

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Posted: April 30, 2014

The pros and cons of living in Maine (as told by a woman in Florida)

Written by: Heather Steeves

We thought it would be funny to have someone from away tell us why we should — or shouldn’t — live in Maine. We went on, a website where people list services they will sell for $5. It’s mostly for marketing jobs (like writing press releases, doing voiceovers, making reggae raps, or writing your tagline in nuts and then having squirrels eat it) and everything is $5.

So we coughed up $5 and asked a writer from Florida (username baliseth) to tell us the pros and cons of living in Maine. Here’s what baliseth came up with:

The pros and cons of living in Maine
(written for $5 by a woman in Florida)

The great state of Maine can be beautiful, magnificent and brilliant, but it can also be downright cold, soggy and gray.

Pro: City Life!

Portland, Maine, not to be confused with its namesake in Oregon, is one of the biggest cities in the state. In fact, it’s the only big city in the state, so if you want to avoid city life, Maine may be the place for you.

Con: Good Luck Growing Anything

Because it is so far north, the growing season is very short. This means that, without a high tech climate controlled greenhouse, you’d be hard pressed to grow anything. This also means that if you’re craving a salad, expect to pay top dollar for your iceberg lettuce and tomatoes. It’s not cheap to haul all that green food way up here!

Pro: Low Population Density

Maine is perfect for those of us who want nothing more than a cabin in the woods, as long as it is equipped with Wi-Fi. The population density outside the city is fairly low. All you have to worry about out here is the occasional furry predator, and I don’t mean of the two legged variety.

Con: Snow

If you like lots and lots of snow, this may not be a con. On average, depending on where in the state you live, you can expect anywhere from 50-110 inches of snow annually. Time to break out that shovel and work on your upper body strength.

Pro: Lobster

Everyone loves lobster. Unless you’re allergic to shellfish that is, in which case you may want to pick another state to live in. Some of the best lobster in the country comes from Maine and living there gives you front row seat to deliciousness.

Con: Everyone is way too PC

Political correctness is prevalent everywhere, but here we are drowning in it. You’re not short, you’re vertically challenged. You get the idea. It’s enough to make your head spin, but heaven forbid you actually say anything about it.

Pro: Hunting!

If hunting is your thing, especially deer hunting, then you’ve come to the right place. This goes hand in hand with the low population density of the state. All the humans huddle together for warmth in the cities, leaving acres of untouched wild land perfect for hunting.

Con: SNOW!

Ok, I know I’ve already mentioned this once, but the sheer amount of snow that we get up here, especially this past year with those insane polar vortexes is mind-boggling. You’ll understand once you have to start shoveling from the second floor balcony just to get down to the front door. We are not mole people; we shouldn’t have to learn how to tunnel through snow!

The takeaways: Lettuce is expensive, we’re all huddling for warmth in Portland, and lobster tastes good. Also, the political correctness needs to stop. Thanks, Florida lady.

So, did she nail Maine or what?

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