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Heather Steeves

Heather Steeves tries to do things that are fun -- and only things that are fun. So far that's included stilt walking, roller derby and cross-country road trips in her Saturn.

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Posted: February 18, 2014

Shamrock Shake: The disgusting-amazing harbinger of spring

Written by: Heather Steeves


Maybe for you it’s your bulbs coming up, the mud, not lugging in the wood every night, but for me there is a day every year where I say, “Shamrock Shake is out?! It’s spring already?!”

That day happened last week after seeing a friend’s facebook post. I yelled it in the office, as one does, and my coworkers took it from there:

Susan: My mother-in-law would take her kids out of school and get them a Shamrock Shake. She was doing organic before organic was a thing, but she made an exception for Shamrock Shakes.
Shannon: Emotionally, it’s a sign of spring.
Susan: It’s a green thing.
Shannon: It reminds us of growing things and it shows it’s March. It is the harbinger of spring.

Shamrock Shake: the harbinger of spring.

As a present, Shannon brought me a shake today at work. So, for the sake of journalism, and so you can live vicariously through my Shamrock Shake experience (with 0 of the 660 calories), here is a write-up. It didn’t go as I thought it would. I hated it, loved it, loved-hated it, well, you’ll see:

11:48 a.m. First sip: I’m hit with fake mint. Fake green taste followed quickly. My tongue feels like it’s wrapped in latex.

11:49 a.m. This massive straw isn’t helping. I feel teeth imprints on the insides of my cheeks from sucking this hard. Mmmm Shamrock Shake.

11:49 a.m. This is sort of Christmasy. How can it be Christmasy and spring-y? How can it simultaneously taste so good and so terrible?

11:50 a.m. How is a milkshake this thick? It’s so hard to get through a straw. (Takes top of cup off and starts eating Shamrock Shake using the straw as a crappy spoon)

11:51 a.m. This is so sweet. How did I ever think this fake-green-mint flavor was gross? It’s good. My tongue barely feels like it’s in a condom anymore.

11:51 a.m. Oh man the green syrup swirl is so pretty. This whipped cream is gross (scoops it into coworker’s trash can).

11:52 a.m. This just tastes like mint ice cream. I love mint ice cream.

11:52 a.m. This tastes like spring-Christmas.

11:53 a.m. No, no, this is gross. I can’t do it anymore. (Takes another bite). No. No more. (Takes another bite). Mmmm it’s melty. No. No.

12:11 p.m. Mmmm ice cream soup. Ew. No. Stop eating it.

12:12 p.m. One last bite. Then I’m throwing it in the trash and putting liquid dish soap on it.

12:13 p.m. (Throws it in coworker’s trash). Finally, spring is here.


In the end, I threw it out after eating maybe a quarter of it. As with all fast-food experiences, I now feel ashamed and sick. And I sort of want another one.

Then, to feel worse about what I just did, I went to McDonald’s website. Which was illuminating. The shamrock shake is: ice cream + “natural” flavors. Which explains the texture: It’s not a milkshake, it’s soft serve. Through a straw.  Oh and 93 grams of sugar in a medium (same as about 3.5 Snickers bars).

Happy spring!

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