Risque Relationship Routines

Sure there are lots of risks when you are on the dating or singles scene but lately I have realized how Risqué it can be to be committed. Funny I use the word committed, as some of the people I've talked to in relationships lately might as well commit themselves to the nearest psych ward or seriously have their head examined.

As a free, white and single woman (as I often refer to myself as) I had an AWESOME summer! I started the season having lots of things that I wanted to do; a summer bucket list so to speak. I feel so fortunate and alive. In the short 3 months we call summer in Maine, I got to do all of the following( and then some):

Golf with Dad for the 1st time - so special.
25 mile bike ride with the posse in an area I never explored before - Happy Memorial Day!
Stand up comedy show at the Hampton Beach Casino - Carlos Mencia, way funny.
Took my best friend from out of town kayaking around Cousins Island to see the seals and got caught out in the middle of the bay in a thunderstorm in the process… always a story buddy.
A night out at Rick's Café in Naples to see a great band - where I danced until my shoe literally broke in two!
The Portland Fireworks from a boat in Casco Bay for the 1st time.
2 trips to Boston with friends - Lost in Paris we love you.
2 trips to Portsmouth out on the town - the Nachos at Pocos ROCK.
Enjoyed watching my friend play her first summer of music gigs at many different venues - I'll always be your 1st manager.
Went for a ride on a Harley with a gorgeous guy - you know who you are.
Saw a live production at the Maine State Theater with my Mom - left me ALL SHOOK UP.
Had a family reunion at my new house - the whole Jersey clan and the house is still standing.
Had my twin nieces' birthday pool party at my house - accompanied by the Hannah Montana shaped cake they requested I make them, mission accomplished! My next career, I swear.
Surfing for the 1st time - thanks to my fabulous instructor!
Lots and lots of BBQs, pool and beach time with many fantastic people - I Love and Cherish all of you.

THEN, when I talked to some of my friends in relationships to see how their summers went and what they did, the list was short:

Worked
Slept

So why are so many of us in such a hurry to be in a relationship and why do so many of us give up our life when we are? Shouldn't the relationship enhance our lives not hold it back? I realize it is natural to slow down a little bit and change some of the activities we do, particularly hanging out in bars to all hours of the night. But you don't see a lot of that on my list of things that were important to me…there is so much to do and so much that life has to offer. It doesn't have to be extravagant, I've done that all too. This summer didn't consist of the luxurious trips to far away places or hip cities for me but it was made special by living in the moment and taking advantage of all the great things we have right here surrounding us in Portland or close by locations.

Nor was my summer spent with just one special person (maybe that will come someday) but instead was enjoyed and enhanced by SO MANY wonderful people, all that are unique to me for the different things they bring to my life.

Love is not a limited supply. It truly is endless. You don't have to limit it just because you are in a relationship (not saying making love, just love). So when you do find that one true love, or if you already have, don't lose the most important person (you) and all the activities and other people you love for other reasons. Keep living; don't fall into the relationship routine. And if you haven't found that special someone, love the one you're with!

Forever,
Isabella

CAN'T BLAME THE COUGARS!

No, I am not talking about the Washington State football team or those lions that live in the mountains... I am talking about older women dating younger men! In particular, 8 years younger or more.

More than a year ago, I distanced myself from a relationship I was in with a man my own age for over 5 years at that time (see previous blog Mr. Big?) and started dating a guy 12 years younger than me. Ever since, all the men I have dated have been equally as young or YOUNGER!

Ok, some of you are saying, hold on, yikes, wtf, what are you thinking, it's only the sex, when are you going to get serious, you can't commit, etc, etc. But WAIT! There are good reasons for putting myself in a position to be called a COUGAR! God, I hate that term, but apparently I am. And according to many websites and research I am not alone. In fact 1/3 of all women over 40, (WAIT, I'm not over 40 but wanted to give you this stat anyway), are dating younger men.

So why??? It's not for the immediate naughty thoughts that come to your mind. Sure, of course the libido maybe better aligned between older women and younger men since we hit our sexual peaks at different times and therefore with the age difference the stars (and I hope you do see them) actually might align. However, sometimes it is a trade off; for what the younger guys make up in stamina and resilience they lack in experience and patience. If you're lucky, and thank God, I have been on several occasions, you get ones that get an "A" in both these important departments! This always leads me to wonder where or how they learned so much already. Should I be scared? Did they have lessons from the girl next store at 15 or read every volume of Cosmo? That's another subject for another blog...stay tuned.

But you will not always have the luck of the sex gods with you… so what are the other reasons to date a younger guy? For me, it's that they are FUN and have the ability to be much more SPONTANEOUS than guys my own age. The chances are that they haven't been through a lot of the hardships older guys might have and they tend to still have a brighter, optimistic outlook on life. And since they tend to me more similar to me, no kids and totally mobile, we can do things at a moments notice. I love that.

I also think younger guys tend to RESPECT you more. I know all the guys reading this are going to say "Oh right, that is what you think or what they want you to believe to get you in bed." Not true. They value your maturity and don't just take it for granted. They see all that you have accomplished and find it sexy and admirable. Several of the younger guys I have dated have expressed this same thing.

Another common theme that many of my prey (well I guess if I'm a cougar, that's what they are, right?) have mentioned is that they love an older woman's confidence. Let's face it; women are not the only ones that like their ego stroked. In fact most guys need those little things that show them you are into them or that they are attractive, hot, jacked, whatever you want to call it, more than most women do. And to according to younger guys, younger girls are still too insecure to do all the little things that an older woman would as they are too worried about how the guy will react. So, being with an older man that feels wanted and desired in turn brings out the better man who then shows their appreciation back ten fold to the older woman. YES!

Lastly, and certainly not least. Since I have been on my cougar hunt, I have been in the BEST SHAPE OF MY LIFE. Having a companion that can do all the physical activities (not just those ones you are thinking of) that I can or even better, can even challenge me to do more, has automatically caused me to loose weight, tone up and in general make me feel younger all the time! So, what's not to love about that?

Rock on ladies! And you younger guys… I salute you (often with Estelle's new song.. American Boy) for recognizing all the awesome things that an experienceD woman has to offer!

Forever,
Isabella

No Bull

To bull or not to bull? Bull riding that is... or more specifically mechanical bull riding. Can't say I am a huge fan or a fan at all. This is one of the many gimmicks places such as Club Texas, The Stadium and now the new Jimmy the Greeks is doing to attract people to gallop on in to their establishment for some very classy entertainment. The goal ultimately, to sell more to the clients. Good idea, let's sell them lots of food and drinks, throw them up on a bull, turn it on high and see what happens! Could be a recipe for disaster; hope they have a good cleaning crew.

Now, I know what the guys are going to say and maybe even some of the girls. That this is somehow a turn on or sexy. NOT! I don't argue that the real deal would be. Who could turn down a guy or girl who is willing to strap on and have a real breathing, snorting, kicking, crazy animal between their legs (and I'm not talking about your last hot date, a real bull)? And let's face it, even if you are not a big country fan, no girl can resist a hot cowboy.

But, this is different. It's a mechanical bull. No head, (ok this one in the photo does have a head but most I have seen in the bars don't) no tail, just a middle. And, on top of that due to all the liability issues, the clubs/bars that offer this have to put this wonderful blow up mat/ring around the bull, I call it the big pool (because it looks like those inflatable pools that people put in their back yard... oh and FYI, I wouldn't be caught dead with one of those in my back yard either).

So how sexy is it when you get thrown off the bull and roll around in the waterless pool? Really hot...lol. Honestly, I am pretty game for just about anything but this is just not on the list. And to add to the non-sexiness you can't wear your shoes. Because of course, they don't want you to pop the pool! Come on! Half of the sex appeal for women is seeing a guy in a pair of cowboy boots not seeing a guy in his socks in the middle of a poor man's pool on a headless, tailless bull. And guys, seriously, we know you are simple, but really, this does it for you? Ok, why do I even ask... of course it does. Then again, what doesn't? Oh yeah, the baby doll shirts that make the girls look pregnant, the capris and the crocs that I wrote about in the last entry! Oh but if the girl wearing all of those was riding the bull, then it would be hot, right? Mercy! Let me get my hip waders on cause the Bullshit's getting a little high.

Oh no, I just found a song on myspace about bikini bull riding! http://vidsearch.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=37854905 . God help us if they start that around here any time soon or ever... but then again, in a weird way it fits since everyone winds up in the big blow up pool anyway. Why don't they just add some water or foam and make it even better, I mean cheezier.

Isabella