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Emily Straubel

Emily is a sex and dating crusader. She founded The Red Lipstick Project as a place to talk openly about dating and sex and to connect with other intelligent women who want to find relationships that are as passionate and ambitious as they are. Emily also works with these women as a certified Holistic Health Coach to focus on their health and mindfulness as they go through breakups, job changes and other transitions to feel and look amazing in their own unique bodies. To share your story or experiences with dating in Portland email her at emily@emilystraubel.com

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The Sex Files with Emily Straubel
Posted: March 3, 2014

Why Everyone Should Date An Extrovert

You might be thinking “hey, Emily’s an extrovert, I wonder if this whole blog post is just a ploy to get people to fall in love with her.” ding.ding.ding! You’re right. But that’s one of the best parts of dating an extrovert, you don’t have to guess at their intentions or wonder what they really want. Just ask them, they’ll tell you. Actually, they probably won’t shut up about it.

The OTHER reason I’m writing this is because lately I’ve come across an overwhelming number of articles and Pinterest quotes that tout the intricate superiority of introverts. And I agree, intros are cool and mysterious. But I think they may have taken it a bit far and painted extroverts as obnoxious, self absorbed attention whores. I can’t let that happen — these are my people. And it’s actually true, the attention whores exist. But I want to speak out for all the normal extroverts out there. The smart but optimistic connectors and the people that make you feel loved the moment you walk into a room. I can’t get enough of the idea of two extroverts dating. I am a total sucker for the power couple. But some of the most successful and honestly happy couples I know are intro-extro combinations that have found the perfect balance of extros enjoying doing introverted things, and intros who overcome their shyness and become the life of the party. They make each other better people, and isn’t that the point of being in a relationship?

Here are the top 8 reasons to get out of your introverted bubble and date an extrovert. Or if you’re a Jay-Z type, why you should be looking for your Beyonce.

No lack of conversation

Have you ever had one of those awkward moments on a first date where for a few minutes you can’t think of anything interesting to say, so you fill time with “So what kind of stuff are you into?” With an extrovert you’ll never have an awkward conversation. They have no shortage of stories to tell, hilarious situations to recount from their days and if they’re one of the good ones, they’ll know the right questions to make the convo balanced and reciprocal.

Better friendships

One of the things that is absolutely imperative to a healthy and interesting relationship is having friends outside of your partner (shocking advice, I know). Extroverts won’t let you fall into the black hole of being a Netflix/takeout couple. You know those people! The ones that you can’t remember if they got a new girlfriend or moved back to the West Coast. Extros will continue to go out with their friends and make new ones. This is good for everyone since it will encourage the introvert in the relationship to keep in touch with their own people. Things won’t get stale and conversation will always be fun since you’ll actually have something to talk about.

A banging sex life

Studies have shown that extroverts have more sex with more people. They are free with their bodies and don’t get held back or skittish with imperfect situations. They don’t mind that the laundry isn’t done or that they didn’t make the bed before having a new lover over. The main goal for sex is self expression and creating intimacy through action. So don’t expect things to follow a simple formulaic approach to sex, extroverts like to explore and try new things and see what positions or situations lead to deeper connections with each partner they’re with. That means better and more interesting sex.

A full schedule

Extroverts are easily bored, which can make them so annoying (according to my boyfriends)! It’s one of the biggest points of contention with intro-extro couples. But it can often be hugely beneficial for an introvert to start doing more … things. Boredom leads to doing more stuff. Hiking, biking, kayaking, starting a new art class, taking up photography so you have a reason to go outside and play as adults. The power of boredom is awesome for an extrovert. Extroverted couples are the ones who start running clubs together and host game nights. All of these things make better friendships and better relationships over time.

The best awkward moments

Being an extrovert myself, there is nothing that I love more than a reaaaaaaally weird moment. I love the feeling of words hanging in the air that could at any moment explode, I love the physical tension in the room when sex goes a bit awry. I know that as awkward as this moment in our relationship is, it only gets better and it was so worth it for the awesome story we can tell later. A great story trumps all awkward moments. And there is a thin line here, I would never tell a story disrespectfully, and I would never sling a person’s name through the mud (except for this one article on my Red Lipstick Project blog), but there is something amazing about recounting how as a couple you conquered a moment that would make most people part ways in silence. Laughing it out is what keeps great couples together.

No mystery feelings

As I mentioned above, probably my favorite part of dating an extrovert, and being an extrovert, is never wondering what is on a person’s mind. There is an ease and simplicity to a relationship that isn’t built on assumptions and inferences or even intuition (which does come in handy occasionally). That’s how 90% of arguments and miscommunications start in relationships (warning: that is a completely fake statistic). Difficult situations are made easier when partners are on the same page; and open conversation makes it so arguments are avoided completely or quickly bulldozed over and resolved.

No regrets

Having regrets is the biggest fear of a hardcore extrovert, more specifically FOMO. Not just about missing out on girls’ night or a dance party, but missing out on big life experiences. This makes being in a relationship with them absolutely amazing. They will never look back and ask, “what if I had said this …” or “maybe if we had just done this instead …” They are unashamed to throw themselves into a situation, risking embarrassment or humiliation to save their relationships, because that is better than looking back and wishing they had done things differently.

A quick and painless (maybe) end

Because awkward situations and conversations are not something we avoid, I find that the end of a relationship is much easier with other extroverts. We have the ability to say our piece and know that we have done all we could have done. We face the most difficult parting conversations without fear. Not always, I understand relationships are messy and each is complicated no matter what sort of temperament your partner has. But the benefit of knowing exactly where you both stand on the relationship can make parting ways more clear and easy to process. There are no lingering issues that can be fantasized into saving graces, there are no open doors that need to be shut for closure. It’s kind of beautiful when done right.

Your biggest fans

We will champion you during and after our relationship. We want you to do well, and you doing well makes us look good. We will promote you, your ideas and our relationship even if things go south. We wear our relationships on our sleeves; the good and the bad. They make up who we are and they are a part of the stories that we tell. We want you to be successful so we can feel like our time together was a part of our own success.

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